There’s Something Wrong with this Picture…

I’m hurting so bad. I went to the gym this morning (week 2) and nearly killed myself.  The fan above the area I was slaving in was the only one not going in the whole place. And it would have to be one of the hottest days we’ve had this summer. There’s a woman at the gym who is trying to murder me. What’s more, I’m paying her to do it. There’s something wrong with this picture.

The trouble is, there isn’t enough room on the floor of my tiny home for a gnome to do a sit-up, and I’m definitely not going to go outside and torture my body in the blazing hot sun, so I don’t really have much choice in the matter. At least at the gym there are other people who resemble sweaty, puffing podge-pots, so I’m in good company there. Except for the instructors who look trim, fit, and never break out in a bead of decent, honest sweat. I hate them.

This isn't me. This is one of the hateful people.

This isn’t me. This is one of the hateful people.

Back home, I tried having a cold shower, once I could bend enough to peel off my clothes, but all the plumbing could manage was luke warm. Pffft! Summer! I then brewed a Vietnamese coffee strong enough to melt the teaspoon. Perfect! I’m not allowed one before I go to the gym, according to the murderess, in case I explode and make a mess or something due to high blood pressure or some such nonsense, but I’m damned if she’s going to take away all the pleasures in life. My caffeine will never surrender!!

After lunch, off I went to Mitre 10 Hardware and bought a couple of shelving units. One heavy-duty steel and crapwood and the other made of pine not much thicker than your average cardboard box. Naturally these units came in flatpacks and had to be assembled. But first they needed to be varnished. So I spent about two hours varnishing them because the afternoon was so hot that they’d dry almost as soon as I had put the brush to them.

I then assembled heavy duty/crapwood one and only made about two mistakes. (I don’t wanna talk about it.) That went well, so I moved onto the skinny pine one. I screwed in forty-eight long wood screws by hand. The blisters should heal in a few days and I have the feeling back in my right arm now.

I then foolishly figured that it wouldn’t take long to empty the awning of its old ‘don’t ever buy one of those again’ TradeMe portable collapsible wardrobe (it wasn’t advertised as a collapsible, it just decided it would be one a couple of days ago) plus all the really useful stuff that was filling it, surrounding it, blocking its way and generally giving me a headache every time I wanted to find something. The easiest part was sweeping the floor. And finding a new home for the very friendly spider on my arm.

The shelving went in and then all the other stuff had to be put on it in an organised manner. The hours went by, and now it’s 11 p.m. and I’m finally in bed eating crackers because I’m too stuffed to cook, my feet are killing me, my blisters hurt, my back is throbbing and I can’t find a minion anywhere in this establishment.

And the worst part is, I just realised it’s Saturday night and several of my friends are out at the pub doing Rastafarian Night. What the hell was I thinking??!!

The shelves look cool though… Oh, and the gym’s closed tomorrow. Woohoo!!

I’m definitely getting old.

This is more like me after the gym. See why I need caffeine??!!

This is more like me after the gym. See why I need caffeine??!!


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